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Let’s do some math…
Groundhogs Day is observed on February 2nd.
Valentines Day is observed on February 14th.
My friend and mentor in this area, Jeff Clark, has done some math that we need to review now:
Groundhogs Day = February 2nd
February 2nd = X
Valentines Day = February 14th
February 14th = Y
I’m not sure of Jeff’s actual beliefs on the matter, but my understanding of them is that Valentines Day is a made up holiday. In today’s modern era it’s a day created/sustained/maintained/promoted by florists, greeting card companies, and candy manufacturers to make more money. I neglect to mention the fine jewelry industry. Lump them in with the previous group. They all want to pad the bottom line. The ladies in our lives have fallen for this modern day fleecing of America. They continue to believe.
Time for more math…
if Feburary 2nd is = 1 day… thus X = 1
if February 14th is = 1 day… thus Y = 1
so…
if X=1 and Y=1 then X must equal Y (X=Y)
Thus the logical thing for the ladies in our lives is as follows…
If you want a nice dinner cooked at home on Valentines… we expect the same on Groundhogs.
If you want a meal out on Valentines… we expect the same on Groundhogs.
If you want jewelry on Valentines… we know what causes jewelry… now don’t we.
We need to unite on this gentlemen.
Unite to bring equal rights to men…
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I shared your equation with my wife. She was quick to point out some fundamental flaws with your formula. She couldn’t believe you failed to consider the FWF and HRE factors…
First of all Valentines does not equal 1 day. According to the work of Monique les a Moore, whose writings argue that there is a masculine and feminine side to all academic pursuits, valentines has a 365 days FeminineWorthFactor (FWF). Another writer, Gloria Steinbrenner argues that men are hogs 24/7. (She convenienly ignores the prefix “ground-” and groups us as hogs for her purposes.) Women don’t care much for hogs a la natural (”pigs in the wild”) so their value is actually a NEGATIVE 24/7 FWF.
As my wife reminded me, all men tend to forget not just the FemaleWorthFactor (FWF), but almost always fail to factor in the JAG Axiom. (Jewels Are a Given).
The real formula thus becomes better stated as:
Given Valentines = 365 Days a Year (FWF) x [-(24/7)Men R Hogs] + JAG, therefore: Husband’s Right of Expectation (HRE) is a variable contigent entirely upon raw karat size.
Makes perfect sense to me! Especially the way my wife explained it to me on a Big Boy Writing Pad with Crayola Carayons!
Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a ruler (or King, or General…whatever) whose country was at war. In an effort to keep his soldiers’ minds soley on the war, he outlawed marriage. However a nearby priest began secretly marrying couples…a crime for which he was arrested and thrown into jail. His parishioners felt so badly they threw encouraging notes and letters of gratitude to him through his jail cell window…thus the tradition of Valentine cards. This preist was later named a Saint and a day in his honor was declared, today we call it St. Valentine’s Day. And so the story goes (or something like it). The End
Some men need to have a national holiday to remember that romance isn’t just for the first few weeks of a relationship!
versus
A domesticated, overfed, oversized rodent called a groundhog from Pennsylvania predicting the weather for the entire country? This ridiculous holiday is simply a way of mocking our weather forecasters!
And you are saying these two are equivalent?
Tsk…Tsk…Tsk…on you and Jeff!